you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
