I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
