then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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