"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
