Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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