What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
