I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
