it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
