Please, let me fuck your mom
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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