My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
