You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
