Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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