just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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