Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
