You can't motorboat a personality
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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