Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
