I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
