So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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