I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
