come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
