SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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