she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
