just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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