YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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