ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
