what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
