I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
