I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
