i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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