Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
