I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
