there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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