Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
