Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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