yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
