Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
