dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
