does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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