i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
