"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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