haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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