Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
