he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
