and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
