if you like me you must not know who I am
4 words: hood of his car
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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