even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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