this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
