There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
