Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
