Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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