Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
