Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
