Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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