So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
