It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
