with your own penis?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
