so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
