fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
