On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
