if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
