people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
