Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
