did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
