He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
