brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
