I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
