I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
