You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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