I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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