I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize