@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
